Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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