I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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