yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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