I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize