I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
