do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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