My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you never un-have a 4some
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
