omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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