It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
