Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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