party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
