Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
