He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
