On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
