i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
