Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
