Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
