i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
