Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
