and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
