Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market

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(304): View more from West Virginia

remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?

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(443): View more from Maryland

I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me

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(517): View more from Michigan

at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.

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(207): View more from Maine

Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.

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(207): View more from Maine

I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"

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(209): View more from California

I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force

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(581): View more from Quebec

I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!

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