just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
