he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
