I accidentally had phone sex last night
You work out of a Hotel?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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