something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She bit a glass in half.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
