So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.