dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
