ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
