meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
