No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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