I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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