Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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