ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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