I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
