ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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