there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
