I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sext me about skeletons
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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