You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
