the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
