If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
