There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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