if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
