I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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