I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
