I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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