Having a random hookup so left but love u
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
