im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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