I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
