Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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