If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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