Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
