Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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