Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
