Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
