He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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