I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize