I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
