your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
