Got a toothbrush?
I bet he comes in French.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
