I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize