it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
