you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
