people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
All the doctor said was why
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
