sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
my poor anus
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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