I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
