I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
